How can close relatives or friends provide support
Table of contents
How can close relatives or friends provide support
People hoping for a donor-conceived child or those that have already had a child need support from their close relatives and friends. A natural and easy attitude of close relatives and friends towards the donor conception treatments and the child’s background creates an accepting atmosphere and strengthens the parent. Close relatives and friends have the right to ask about things that raise questions about donor conception treatments and donor conception parenthood, for example regarding terminology. The relatives and friends should study their own thoughts, values, and feelings but regardless, know how to support the person hoping for a donor-conceived child or the parent of a donor-conceived child.
The most important thing is that the child is accepted into the family with all of their characteristics. Becoming a parent through donor conception treatments is always a private matter for the parent of a donor-conceived child and the parent invites the close relative or friend into this private area of life when they share it. It is a private matter but not a secret, which means that the private matter should be respected and should not be shared with others without permission from the parent.
Close relative or friend, note the following things when discussing donor conception matters with the parents:
- Parenthood does not require a genetic link between a child and a parent, and a genetic link does not mean parentage.
- It is NOT acceptable to talk about the gamete donor as the real mother or father/genetic mother or father.
- A good basic rule is to listen to the language used by the parents themselves or how they discuss the donor conception background of the child, ask which terms are acceptable to use and think before talking.
How can I support
- Ask what the parents need from you.
- Listen closely to the words and emotions they share with you.
- Ask about the terminology and language that is acceptable to use with them.
- Try to put yourself in their shoes and think about what kind of language to use and how to comment on what they tell you.
- Show that you are ready and eager to listen when they are ready to tell you about it, but also understand if they would rather not discuss the matter.
- Donor-conceived children do well in open and loving families, an open attitude towards the children is important.
- Do not share information about the donor conception background to others before asking the parent(s) first how they would like to deal with the matter.
- Do not let the knowledge of the donor conception background be a hindrance to loving the child just the way they are.
