How can close relatives or friends provide support 

Table of contents

How can close relatives or friends provide support 

People hoping for a donor-concei­ved child or tho­se that have alrea­dy had a child need sup­port from their clo­se rela­ti­ves and friends. A natu­ral and easy atti­tu­de of clo­se rela­ti­ves and friends towards the donor concep­tion treat­ments and the child’s background crea­tes an accep­ting atmosp­he­re and strengt­hens the parent. Clo­se rela­ti­ves and friends have the right to ask about things that rai­se ques­tions about donor concep­tion treat­ments and donor concep­tion parent­hood, for example regar­ding ter­mi­no­lo­gy. The rela­ti­ves and friends should stu­dy their own thoughts, values, and fee­lings but regard­less, know how to sup­port the per­son hoping for a donor-concei­ved child or the parent of a donor-concei­ved child. 

The most impor­tant thing is that the child is accep­ted into the fami­ly with all of their cha­rac­te­ris­tics. Beco­ming a parent through donor concep­tion treat­ments is always a pri­va­te mat­ter for the parent of a donor-concei­ved child and the parent invi­tes the clo­se rela­ti­ve or friend into this pri­va­te area of life when they sha­re it. It is a pri­va­te mat­ter but not a sec­ret, which means that the pri­va­te mat­ter should be res­pec­ted and should not be sha­red with others wit­hout per­mis­sion from the parent. 

Close relative or friend, note the following things when discussing donor conception matters with the parents: 

  • Parent­hood does not requi­re a gene­tic link between a child and a parent, and a gene­tic link does not mean paren­ta­ge. 
  • It is NOT accep­table to talk about the game­te donor as the real mot­her or father/genetic mot­her or fat­her. 
  • A good basic rule is to lis­ten to the lan­gua­ge used by the parents them­sel­ves or how they discuss the donor concep­tion background of the child, ask which terms are accep­table to use and think befo­re tal­king. 

 

How can I support 

  • Ask what the parents need from you. 
  • Lis­ten clo­se­ly to the words and emo­tions they sha­re with you. 
  • Ask about the ter­mi­no­lo­gy and lan­gua­ge that is accep­table to use with them. 
  • Try to put your­self in their shoes and think about what kind of lan­gua­ge to use and how to com­ment on what they tell you. 
  • Show that you are rea­dy and eager to lis­ten when they are rea­dy to tell you about it, but also unders­tand if they would rat­her not discuss the mat­ter. 
  • Donor-concei­ved children do well in open and loving fami­lies, an open atti­tu­de towards the children is impor­tant. 
  • Do not sha­re infor­ma­tion about the donor concep­tion background to others befo­re asking the parent(s) first how they would like to deal with the mat­ter. 
  • Do not let the know­led­ge of the donor concep­tion background be a hin­drance to loving the child just the way they are.